Re: This is real cute!

["Bill & Patti Oftedal" <boftedal@alaska.net>]

Oh, Ilene, I love it. I should print it and stick it at on the fridge.  May
be Goldie and Diablo can read it!
Very cute.
Thanks.
Patti.

----- Original Message -----
From: "Ilene Cook" <asorosgd@ameritech.net>
To: <brierpups@fast.cs.utah.edu>
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2001 5:45 PM
Subject: This is real cute!


> >Things I MUST remember as a dog:
> > >
> > > 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
> > >
> > > 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm
> > > lying under the coffee table.
> > >
> > > 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the
> > > sofa or under the bed.
> > >
> > > 4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering
> > > the house.
> > >
> > > 5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or
> > > after they throw it up.
> > >
> > > 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
> > > clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
> > >
> > > 7. I will not throw up in the car.
> > >
> > > 8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just
> > > because I like the way they smell.
> > >
> > > 9. "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not
> > > food.
> > >
> > > 10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then
> > > redeposit them in the backyard after processing.
> > >
> > > 11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
> > >
> > > 12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
> > >
> > > 13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red
> > > ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging.
> > >
> > > 14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
> > > rolled down when it's raining outside.
> > >
> > > 15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I
> > > hear one on TV.
> > >
> > > 16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over
> > > the backyard with it.
> > >
> > > 17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & dad's
> > > laps.
> > >
> > > 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
> > >
> > > 19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in
> > > for mom's driver's license and car registration.
> > >
> > > 20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when
> > > he's on the toilet.
> > >
> > > 21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the
> > > bathroom garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my
> > > butt.
> > >
> > > 22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option
> > > after just getting a bath.
> > >
> > > 23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an
> > > acceptable way of saying hello.
> > >
> > > 24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I
> > > thought it was the right thing to do.
> > >
> > > 25. I will not fart in my owner's face while sleeping on the
> > > pillow next to their head.
> > >
> > > 26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my
> > > butt across the carpet.
> > >
> > > 27. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply and
> > > just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is
> > > cleaner.
> > >
> > > 28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick
> > > my crotch when company is over.
> > >
> > > 29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly
> > > clear a room.
> > >
> > > 30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and
> > > he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing.
> --
> Ilene Cook
> asorosgd@ameritech.net
> http://asoros.tripod.com/asoros.html
>