This is real cute!

[Ilene Cook <asorosgd@ameritech.net>]

>Things I MUST remember as a dog: 
> > 
> > 1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff. 
> > 
> > 2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm 
> > lying under the coffee table. 
> > 
> > 3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the 
> > sofa or under the bed. 
> > 
> > 4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering 
> > the house. 
> > 
> > 5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or 
> > after they throw it up. 
> > 
> > 6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of 
> > clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick. 
> > 
> > 7. I will not throw up in the car. 
> > 
> > 8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc. just 
> > because I like the way they smell. 
> > 
> > 9. "Kitty box crunchies," although they are tasty, are not 
> > food. 
> > 
> > 10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then 
> > redeposit them in the backyard after processing. 
> > 
> > 11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar. 
> > 
> > 12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them. 
> > 
> > 13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red 
> > ones, or my people will think I am hemorrhaging. 
> > 
> > 14. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window 
> > rolled down when it's raining outside. 
> > 
> > 15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I 
> > hear one on TV. 
> > 
> > 16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over 
> > the backyard with it. 
> > 
> > 17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom & dad's 
> > laps. 
> > 
> > 18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator. 
> > 
> > 19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in 
> > for mom's driver's license and car registration. 
> > 
> > 20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when 
> > he's on the toilet. 
> > 
> > 21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the 
> > bathroom garbage to avoid having a string hanging out of my 
> > butt. 
> > 
> > 22. I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an option 
> > after just getting a bath. 
> > 
> > 23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an 
> > acceptable way of saying hello. 
> > 
> > 24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I 
> > thought it was the right thing to do. 
> > 
> > 25. I will not fart in my owner's face while sleeping on the 
> > pillow next to their head. 
> > 
> > 26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my 
> > butt across the carpet. 
> > 
> > 27. The toilet bowl is not a never-ending water supply and 
> > just because the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is 
> > cleaner. 
> > 
> > 28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick 
> > my crotch when company is over. 
> > 
> > 29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt can quickly 
> > clear a room. 
> > 
> > 30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and 
> > he makes that noise, it's usually not a good thing. 
-- 
Ilene Cook
asorosgd@ameritech.net
http://asoros.tripod.com/asoros.html