>THINGS I MUST REMEMBER WHEN I COME BACK AS A DOG...
>
>1. The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
>
>2. I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
>coffee table.
>
>3. I will not roll my toys behind the fridge, behind the sofa or under the
>bed.
>
>4. I must shake the rainwater out of my fur before entering the house.
>
>5. I will not eat the cats' food, before they eat it or after they throw
>it up.
>
>6. I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of clean carpet in
>the house when I am about to get sick.
>
>7. I will not throw up in the car.
>
>8. I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc., just because I like
>the way they smell.
>
>9. "Kitty box crunchies", although they are tasty, are not food.
>
>10. I will not eat any more Kleenex or napkins and then redeposit them in
>the backyard after processing.
>
>11. The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
>
>12. I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
>
>13. I will not chew crayons or pens, especially not the red ones, or my
>people will think I am hemorrhaging.
>
>4. When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when
>it's raining outside.
>
>15. We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
>
>16. I will not steal my mom's underwear and dance all over the backyard
>with it.
>
>17. The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and dad's laps.
>
>18. My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
>
>19. I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for dad's
>driver's license and car registration.
>
>20. I will not play tug-of-war with dad's underwear when he's on the
>toilet.
>
>21. I will not eat mint flavored dental floss out of the bathroom garbage,
>because I don't want to have a string hanging out of my butt.
>
>22. I will not play "roll around in the dirt" after just getting a bath.
>
>23. Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is not an acceptable way of
>saying hello.
>
>24. I will not hump on any person's leg just because I thought it was the
>right thing to do.
>
>25. I will not fart in my owners face while sleeping on the pillow next
>to their head.
>
>26. I will not come in from outside and immediately drag my butt across
>the carpet.
>
>27. The toilet bowl is not a never ending water supply and, just because
>the water is blue, it doesn't mean it is cleaner.
>
>28. I will not sit in the middle of the living room and lick my crotch when
>company is over.
>
>29. Suddenly turning around and smelling my butt makes people put me
>outside.
>
>30. The cat is not a squeaky toy so when I play with him and he makes that
>noise, it's usually not a good thing.
>
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